The People Who Experience Our Leadership

We can leave a meeting believing it went well while someone else leaves relieved that it is over.

We covered the agenda. Made the decision. Got everyone moving. From our chair, it looked like leadership. But what did it feel like from theirs?

That question has been staying with me. Through my years in education and leadership development, I have seen how easily we evaluate ourselves by what we meant to accomplish. The people around us have another source of information. They experience our tone, our impatience, the space we make for disagreement, and what happens when someone brings us news we would rather not hear.

Our intentions matter. So does the experience of being led by us.

Consider an ordinary situation. A team member raises a concern about a plan we have worked hard to develop. We answer quickly, explain the reasoning, and move on. We may think we have provided clarity. The other person may conclude that questions are unwelcome. Neither conclusion requires someone to be dishonest. We simply have different views of the same moment.

Of course, we cannot make every person comfortable with every decision. Leadership carries responsibility, and responsibility sometimes requires an answer someone will dislike. A disappointed person does not automatically mean we have led poorly. But that truth can become a convenient hiding place if we use it to dismiss every uncomfortable response.

There is a difference between someone struggling with our decision and someone learning that it is costly to speak honestly around us.

What happens when people disagree with you? Can they finish their thought? Can they bring a problem before they have a solution? Can someone say that your words landed differently than you intended without spending the rest of the conversation reassuring you?

Those questions reach beyond communication technique. They touch the kind of person we are becoming.

In Mark 10:42–45, Jesus speaks to disciples who are wrestling with position and greatness. He points them toward service and gives his own life as the example. I find it significant that he addresses their understanding of greatness. They need more than a better way to manage their ambition. They need a different understanding of what their influence is for.

I need that reminder too. Being responsible for people can quietly turn into expecting people to protect my sense of importance. Then a question feels like resistance. A correction feels like disrespect. I become more concerned with how I am being treated than with what my leadership is making possible for others.

The answer is not to become hesitant about everything we say. People need leaders who can decide and act. They also need to know that our confidence leaves room for their contribution. The willingness to listen can strengthen a decision, even when the decision itself does not change.

Sometimes a simple repair matters more than another explanation. We can acknowledge that we interrupted. We can return to a concern we moved past too quickly. We can admit that our frustration became someone else’s burden. None of that removes our authority. It gives people a reason to trust the person exercising it.

I do not believe leadership can be reduced to whether people like us. But I do believe we should care about what our presence teaches them. Over time, people learn whether honesty is welcome. They learn whether mistakes can be discussed. They learn whether we are willing to carry the same responsibility we ask them to carry.

When you think about the people you lead, what have they learned to expect when they approach you?

That may tell you something an impressive set of results cannot.

If this reflection raises a leadership question you want to explore, you can learn about my coaching and leadership education at leaderdevelopment.co. Set up a FREE call with me: Book a free call